I just realized that the lack of acceptance for asexuals is literally the dumbest thing.
Like, you can’t handle the thought of two dudes kissing? Okay you’re dumb and terrible whatever.
But you can’t handle the idea… Of someone… Not kissing anyone? What are you worried about? They’re gonna eat too much mac n cheese?? Draw too many dinosaurs??? Tell me
there’s a new show called “how to get away with murder” and it currently holds the world record for the shortest running tv show. its one and only episode shows a single frame with “be a white cop” in the middle of the screen for 22 minutes including commercials
The Waitressing Chronicles: Wherein Dani does not refill your soda 20 times just because she thinks it’s SO MUCH FUN.
Tonight was one of the worst kinds of nights you can have in the restaurant industry. It was a pretty busy Saturday night, the kitchen was running smoothly, my coworkers and I were coexisting peacefully, and 99% of my tables were awesome, and I really had fun serving them. (Yes, I did say ‘worst’. I’m getting to that part, hold on….).
Some of them were a little needy, but after you’ve served for a few years, you start developing a sort of spidy-sense about which guests are going to require 30 diet coke refills, 5 servings of chips and salsa and roughly 2 gallons of ranch before they even crack there menus open (seriously…I think some people have such an addiction to ranch, that if it isn’t constantly on their table, regardless of the presence of any other actual food, they start to develop anxiety. Some people need to carry around EPI pens in case of emergency….I carry around ranch dressing. You’re welcome), so I was prepared. Even my needy tables didn’t rattle me too much this evening.
Generally speaking, all of the components necessary for a pretty kick-ass shift were present and accounted for.
And then my tables started cashing out. 10%tip, 5% tip, no tip, no tip, 10%….20%, FINALLY! Oh…wait…they didn’t do their math correctly, that’s actually only a $2 tip. Wonderful.
My enthusiasm for my job and my shift plummeted rapidly and I was ready to stuff my hot towel in my apron and go home faster than the cheapskate at table 7 could say “Keep the Change” as he handed me $40 for his $38.64 tab.
Some people just genuinely don’t know any better, and I recognize that. Sometimes I’m a little off my game, and I fully own up to that as well. But tonight was not one of those nights. I was on point…and I’m good at what I do.
So let me deviate a little bit from my normal Chronicling to give something of a PSA on behalf of waitstaff everywhere.
80% of servers make under minimum wage. This is a fact. A miserable, lamentable fact. The hourly wages that our employers provide are essentially just so that the government has something to take as far as immediate taxes on our tip money, and we don’t get slammed with having to pay it all back at once in April. Our “paychecks”, therefore, are usually somewhere in the neighborhood of $30. If that. It’s a pretty crummy system, and believe me when I say that we’d probably rather be making a steady and reliable hourly wage instead of depending on tips, but unfortunately that’s not the society we live in.
So. Your tip. How much do you tip, and who gets it?
A lot of that depends on the restaurant you’re in. Look around you. Do you see hosts and hostesses? Is there a bartender? A busser? If any/all of these people are present, rest assured that your server does not get to keep all of their tips.
We “tip out” to all of the other support staff (busser, host, QA expo, bartender, etc.) at the end of every shift. The amount of money we tip out to these staff is determined, not by how much money we make, but by how much we’ve sold. For example, at Chilis, I tip out 3% of my total sales at the end of the night. (So if I sold $100 worth of food and drinks, my tip out would be $3. Last night, I had $1100 in sales, and had to leave behind $33).
What does this mean? This means, that if you don’t leave a tip, or only leave $1 or $2 (assuming your total tab wasn’t $10.) your server actually loses money on your table. We still have to pay taxes and tip out based on the amount of food YOU ordered, not to mention that you sat there, and took up one of my tables for 2 hours, which I could easily have flipped twice in that time had you not felt the need to camp out and then leave me $2 (I’M TALKING TO YOU, TABLE 36.)
It pretty much boils down to this: a 10% tip is the bare minimum. It means mediocre service, and relates a relatively neutral - bordering on negative message to your server about how they did their job. 15% indicates that you’re content and happy, and your server was proficient at taking care of you. 20% is excellent. Excellent food, excellent service, excellent everything. That’s how we read your tips.
Also, you can basically write whatever you want in the tip line. If your total bill was $45.67, and you write in a $5,000 tip, and then write “$45.67” on the total line, and sign it…..guess how much I’m authorized to charge your card for? That’s right. $45.67. So please (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) double check your math when you’re totaling out your bill. I lost no less than $27 in tips last night simply because people couldn’t Math correctly. Perhaps ranch dressing in excess has an adverse affect on people’s ability to do basic arithmetic. Or perhaps it’s a complication of margarita-induced brain freezes. Either way. It sucks. Please don’t suck.
Tipping is not optional, and it is not a privilege for the server. Back in the day, it probably was, but unfortunately, that’s no longer the case. When you sit down at a restaurant there is an unspoken understanding between you and your server. It’s their responsibility to make sure you have a stellar, enjoyable and relaxing meal, and it’s your responsibility to make sure they can afford to pay their rent. And before you start in on me (because I can hear the rumbling of offended restaurant goers from here, like distant thunder…calm yourselves, beasts!) about how entitled you are to not-tip, let me tell you now, honey child, I’ve heard every retort in the book.
"Your restaurant should pay you better, that’s not my fault" - Well. Yes. I agree. But they don’t. So it sucks for both of us. But until it’s announced that tipping is no longer needed in the service industry, the burden of determining my “paycheck”falls on you Trust me, I’m not happy about it either.
"You should just be happy that I left anything at all." - If your tip was in addition to the $10/hr my restaurant was paying me, you bet your left shoe I’d be happy for any little bit you wanted to throw my way. But they don’t. And I know you know that, faithful restaurant eater. So when you walk out, leaving me $3 after having waited on your family of 6’s $130 meal, I’m going to interpret that as a direct and intentional personal insult. You may have thought you were coming out on top by not leaving the appropriate $13-$26 that your bill merited, but really now you’re just a dick. And I can promise you that every server who was working that night will know about it. Good luck getting chipper service next time you try to come to our restaurant. We remember.
"Tips are dependent upon how well you do. That’s what TIPS means. ‘To Insure Proper Service." - I almost don’t even want to respond to this one, but unfortunately it’s a very popular notion. First off, lemme just lay it out there that if you believe this, you’re a dumbass. For multiple reasons. If that acronym was in fact true, they would be called “teps” (to…ENSURE….proper service. English, for the win!) and you would give them to be at the beginning on the meal. Because that’s what “to ensure proper service” implies. How comfortable would you be if you had to tip your server at the beginning of the meal, knowing full well that you had to sit there for the next 45 - 60 minutes facing the person you just handed $2 as you ask for 3 more sides of Barbeque sauce, a 5th coke and some ranch.(Just because of reasons. Everyone needs ranch. ) You’d probably be a little uncomfortable, wouldn’t you? You’d probably shell out a lot more were that the case, wouldn’t you? How great is it for you that you get to demand special ordered food and request exactly 45 napkins one at a time from your server and then immediately slip away into the night after leaving your server $1.63. You’re such a champ, a real stand-up type of person. I hope your kids leave legos in the hallway tonight, and you step on three of them as you stumble to the bathroom at 3am.
"Why don’t you just get a real job. You’re choosing this lifestyle" - Whoa buddy, whoa. Did you really just say that to me? Let’s rewind this a little bit. I’m on my feet, running, squatting, lifting trays, clearing dishes, entertaining table after table, pretending to love being regaled by the intricacies of your oh-so-fascinating life and reassuring you that your baby IS the most adorable baby I’ve ever seen for 6-10 hours a day. Usually, unless I have time to take a bathroom break (please note that I didn’t say “need” to take a bathroom break. If. I. Have. Time.) , the first time I get to sit down after walking through those doors and clocking in is when I get back in my car to go home at the end of the night. Someone please tell me how that’s not a “real” job? Or how it’s any less “real” than your 9-5 office job? I bet that desk chair does a real number on your lower back. Your office manager should really look into providing you with the lumbar support you deserve. Please, tell me more about it as I stand at your table side balancing 30lbs of dishes on one hand that you seem to be oblivious to, as you continue to complain about your cushy job.
You have a valid point though, in that I did choose this job. For me, personally, I know that waiting tables is only temporary. The tips I earn go towards food, gas, insurance, cell phone, car payments, my gym membership, student loans, text books and other basic life-needs (shampoo is expensive ommgggg). I’m also trying to save up so I can afford to move to New York after I finish my Master’s Degree. I’ve got a lot on my plate, but not nearly as much as some of the other wonderful people I work with. Take, for example, the 20 year old single mother of 2 who was in the section next to mine last night. I’m not sure if she finished high school or not, but her kids are her life now. She started waiting tables at 16 so that she could afford to buy diapers and formula every night before she went home. Waiting tables isn’t just her “get me through school” job. It’s her career. It’s how she feeds her kids. So go ahead, leave her no tip on your $120 check, table 23. I hope that pasta you inhaled gives you heartburn. And she’s not the only one. Every single server in any restaurant you eat in is at your mercy to provide for themselves and their family. That is the responsibility you sign up for when you walk into a dine-in restaurant. It is an unfortunate part of American culture.
Don’t like it? Go to a drive-through. That’s what they’re there for. Better yet….stay home. Cook for yourself.
If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s completely true.
Thank you to those of you who are awesome. Awesome people and fun tables actually make this a pretty kickass job a lot of the time. Keep up the awesome. If you doubt your level of restaurant awesome, never fear! It’s totally something you can build up over time, kind of like distance running or heavy lifting. Baby steps. You’ll get there.
YES THIS THANK YOU
Italics re: affording a tip are mine. Mother. Fucking. Word. I gots bills to pay, people.
If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s completely true.
Even in the smartphone era and in an age where MANY RESTAURANTS PRINT THE PERCENTAGES RIGHT ON THE RECEIPT I hear the bullshit ‘Cannot math percent?’ excuse, so here is how you leave a tip. Move the decimal point in your bill one spot left. We’ll use the top bill, so - $5.39. Round up to the nearest dollar - $6. Now cut that in half ($3) and add it back in for a total of $9. Congratulations!, you just left A Good Tip that will always be at least 15% and will usually be more like 18%.
You ALWAYS add half back in unless the service was just abysmal: if you don’t, you just left a 10% tip. Don’t be that guy.
If you can afford it - and may I just mention that you are eating out - you should forget the add-half step and just double the first number for a 20%+ tip because no one on this fucking planet works harder than waitstaff.
Unless service has been abysmal, I just half the bill and then half it again to get the tip. That’s a 25% tip. Considering that the wait staff has to share their tips (and yet can be paid less than minimum wage because they earn tips which is fucked up logic), 25% is the least that I ever feel comfortable leaving tbh except in very rare times when they are unduly terrible.
(Y’all know my temper and yet, as much as I hate people, I have only had a wait staff person that I thought was genuinely terrible twice in my life. So if someone tells me horror stories about how they had to leave shitty tips because the staff sucked … I am suspect.)
Britney is younger than Bey…
white people age like milk lol
yeah. the stress of having your parents financially dependent on you since childhood, learning disabilities, mental illness, two divorces, and drug and alcohol abuse will age you.
not to say bey has had it easier since you know, racism. but bey definitely has class privilege and as far as we know, health/ability privilege over britney. but yeah, go on and say how poorly britney has aged. It’s not like she’s been working and paying her family’s bills since she was like 15.
I have to agree on this…it’s not fair to make racial comments about one woman in comparison to another. As women, we need to be trying to cooperate with each other, not tear each other down. It only perpetuates an endless damaging cycle, in my humble opinion.
Not to mention the fact that Beyonce, the woman who stood in front of the word Feminist in big letters on national television, probably would be really upset to see that people are saying things like this.
She looks just fine to me.
If they show sports events at bars why don’t they show tv shows?
someone should get to making a fandom bar.
no but can you imagine? fandom themed drinks, tv show maraton nights, discount to cosplayers, and special season finale events.WHY ISNT THIS A THING??!!
I’m not like other girls!XD
I only have guy friends. I mean all girls do is start drama.
Oh my god, i hate sluts!
Other girls my age like to drink and party but i like to stay inside and read or watch netflix! I’m so weird.
All the girls in my school care about is makeup and shopping and all i care about is FOOD and VIDEO GAMES. lol sometimes i think i was born a guy.
This is everything.
if anybody asks me why i hate men, i’m just gonna redirect them to this post.
it’s pretty fucking obvious that men only want to invest in breast cancer research to further degrade, objectify, and jerk off to body parts they already feel 100% entitled to. that’s what is at stake for them.
what about the women whose “tatas” weren’t saved? how must they feel being surrounded by awareness ads that focus more on keeping women’s sexy-sexy-titties-to-continue-titillating-the-males than saving real life human beings and helping survivors?
If anyone’s wondering, those posts came from here. It’s a forum for breast cancer support. Give it a read, and you’ll see how many women are outright abandoned by their husbands, sometimes after being married for decades, because their “tatas” couldn’t be saved.
This culture of “save the tatas” even goes as far as the doctor’s offices themselves. Most doctors request that the husband be present during surgical consultations, as though he has an equal say in the patient-professional discussion.
If the woman is single, as was my case, doctors have actually recommended postponing surgery until she finds a relationship, because “it could be nearly impossible to find someone who accepts it [your unnatural tatas] in years to come”.
I’m 15 months post-mastectomy, and the date I had this past week was the first time since then that a guy hadn’t reacted negatively to my scars. The relief was so overwhelming that I was fighting back tears. When I told him —essentially warning him that my body wasn’t what he must be expecting — I felt so guilty; it seemed to have the same weight and shame as telling someone I had some sort of an incurable STI or a felony record.
I shouldn’t have felt that way. I should not be ashamed of choosing to live.
Thank you for your important commentary! I hope you find someone who can love you for who you are and admire your strength as a survivor.
holy shit this just makes me so immensely disgusted and i actually feel sick to the core??? just. holy shit.
when my mother was getting a surgery consult for the lumpectomy, the surgeon actually insisted i was in the room with her and kept asking my opinion ABOUT MY MOTHER’S BOOB even though we were both visibly uncomfortable with the situation
i mean for fuck’s sake i’m her son, that’s a: awkward as hell and b: it’s just a fucking TIT, who cares if it “looks good” as long as she fucking LIVES, jesus god damn christ, why is it that doctors think a man has to sign off on a fucking tit???
anyhow fuck “save the tatas” campaigns
Former Marine turned photographer Joel Parés’ series Judging America used real people dressed as stereotypes to remind us to not judge a person based on their tattoos, clothing, ethnicity, profession, or sexual orientation, but on their merits.
a podcast recorded with a $60 dollar mic in a harlem apartment about an openly queer radio host with a poc love interest as literally the most normal part of the show made it to be the number one most dowloaded podcast in all of america and if you don’t think that’s the tightest shit you can get out of my face
blanket apology to all the female celebrities i hated as a teenager because i was up to my eyeballs in internalized misogyny